[ F i e n d ]

The life of a fiendish schizophrenic.

Saturday, August 16, 2003

Song of the moment: Saw Red by Sublime


After work ---> hung out with steph, talked with Daniel [it seemed like i was kind of stalking him a little bit but oh well. lol], hung out with Ed and Ed's parents and his cousin and his crazy ass sister, DID MOTHER FUCKING KAREOKE LIKE WHUT, and just walked around. Damnit, I hella want to hang out with Daniel. Guar. x_o;


simianantithesis: what do you wanna be when you grow up again?
I am NOT pangit: lawyer
I am NOT pangit: or astrophysicist

simianantithesis: a... icic
simianantithesis: cool cool
simianantithesis: you'd be a good lawyer... lol
I am NOT pangit: hehe
I am NOT pangit: how so?

simianantithesis: well... for reasons you've already come to be familiar with
I am NOT pangit: haha
I am NOT pangit: like debating?

simianantithesis: *wink wink*
I am NOT pangit: :D
I am NOT pangit: lying?

simianantithesis: haha
simianantithesis: no... comination
simianantithesis: b*
I am NOT pangit: ahh
simianantithesis: yea
simianantithesis: i finally know what im gonna be
simianantithesis: i decided
I am NOT pangit: hmm?
I am NOT pangit: a male stripper?
I am NOT pangit: a porn star?

simianantithesis: shhhhh.... ONLY part time
simianantithesis: lol
I am NOT pangit: lol XD


Ryan becoming a porn star.... *envisions it* GAHHH. *dies*

Thursday, August 14, 2003

Song of the moment: Pain for Pleasure by Sum 41 [even though I don't like them]


I just got into a physical fight with my sister. It was over something stupid, too. She was all yelling at me about how messy I was and how my shoes are always on the floor [wtf? where the hell else is it supposed to go? on my bed?] and then I poked her fat and told her she was going to die of a heart attack and so on. We started yelling random insults at each other and somehow, it just lead to her digging her long claws on my arms and me dogging and blocking her punches and slaps. She pulled my hair a bit, I pushed her around, punched her a few times, etc. She started getting a little emotional as it became obvious that she was about to cry, I yelled, "Oh what, you're going to cry again? CRY, FAT BITCH, CRY THEN!" while I was giving her my outmost fiendish laugh. It was quite funny until she pulled my hair and I pushed her off me. All she has to do is sit on me and I'll fucking die. I could kick her ass, though and she was tempting me to punch her on the face and give her a black eye so I could get in trouble, but I didn't do shit like that. What she DID give me were bruises on my arms and little punctures from her long ass nails. My arms are still burning but I feel no pain.


Moving on. My mom called a few minutes ago and we were talking about airline tickets. It turns out that I have to renew my passport, which will take from 2-6 weeks. Damn, so it looks like I'm not going to the Philippines next week afterall. She said I can go there this Christmas vacation and experience the whole festivities of the Philippines, since I haven't been there for nine years and my memories of my homeland are vague and blurry. Everyone at Hodgies calls me a rice cracker because my brother keeps talking about how I don't know anything about the Philippines and that I can barely speak Tagalog anymore. I feel isolated from my family but it's okay. I'm used to being alone...


I should stop talking to people about my problems. They just don't care and they get tired of it and run away. I don't know who my real friends are anymore. I guess I'm just desperate for someone to talk to, so I just splurge out my problems to whoever talks to me.


This is Brent, by the way.


shusaru44: hey you there?
I am NOT pangit: hey
shusaru44: i talked to victor yesterday and he said that he was just kidding
shusaru44: lol
I am NOT pangit: that's good
I am NOT pangit: my sister and i just got into a physical fight
I am NOT pangit: it was kind of funny

shusaru44: lol
shusaru44: did she hit you?
I am NOT pangit: but now i have punctures and bruises on my arms and shit
I am NOT pangit: yeah
I am NOT pangit: and pulled my hair

shusaru44: that is assault
I am NOT pangit: i pushed her off me though
I am NOT pangit: i know
I am NOT pangit: i have proof, too
I am NOT pangit: but whatever
I am NOT pangit: i don't care

shusaru44: lol you could get her into so much trouble
I am NOT pangit: i know..
shusaru44: what did you do
I am NOT pangit: i put my shoes on the floor
shusaru44: lol wtf?
I am NOT pangit: she started yelling at me about how much of a slob i was
I am NOT pangit: and then i poked her fat
I am NOT pangit: and said she was gonna die of a heart attack

shusaru44: lol
I am NOT pangit: and called her a fat pig
I am NOT pangit: she was like
I am NOT pangit: "don't touch me"

shusaru44: ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I am NOT pangit: yeah, it was a fight of random insults and scratching and blah blah
shusaru44: lol
I am NOT pangit: my arms are still burning
I am NOT pangit: lol

shusaru44: is she still there?
I am NOT pangit: i think she left for work
I am NOT pangit: my mom called, but my sister didn't say shit
I am NOT pangit: she's probably going to complain to my mom later, though
I am NOT pangit: about me being messy

shusaru44: are you going to tell her
shusaru44: your mom that is
I am NOT pangit: and then i'll tell my mom about what she did to me but then my mom wouldn't care
I am NOT pangit: my mom would be on my sister's side
I am NOT pangit: so what's the point anyways

shusaru44: what for kicking your ass?
shusaru44: lol
I am NOT pangit: yeah
I am NOT pangit: because i'm supposedly a slob

shusaru44: whatever your sister is more of a slob
I am NOT pangit: yeah
I am NOT pangit: i told you me and my family has hella issues
I am NOT pangit: i probably have more but i just don't show all of it

shusaru44: bye bye
I am NOT pangit: bye..



Wow. I guess my life is funny like that. He just laughs and leaves, that's great. People come and people go. Everyone pretends to care but they never listen. No one understands me and I am forced to keep everything to myself until is just explodes like a destructive volcano.


Why don't you just hand me a knife and let me end this fucking misery.

Today was quite pleasant.


I wake up around 10-ish and decide to leave my house early because I hella didn't want to stay at home until 4 or something, listening to my sister bitch about random crap. I called Robin, but the little bitch had other places to be so I just decided to take a shower, leave, and just wing it. I ended up downtown as I called Lorraine up. We decided to meet at Borders, where we hung out for a while and I bought a new book on famous quotations. We looked at the Physics, Calculus and Astronomy books, and then we headed to her work. Nothing much happened until I started walking to my work around 4:15 [I started at 4:30]. As I was walking, I hear this strange voice call my name. I look back and searched high and low looking for a familiar face and I was like... what the fuck. I realized that it was ADAM, that awsome guy from Omaha. Dude, I love Adam.. he is like the coolest person ever.


So yeah, we talked for a while until I had to go to work and he came back when I had my break. We took like three pictures, each asking a different tourist to take it ever time. Everyone at my work thought he was my new boyfriend and they were hella making fun of him so I kicked their ass. I gave Adam my phone number, since he only had my old cell phone number which I obviously don't have anymore. I also gave him the only copy of a big sticky picture that Lorraine and I took at the Great Mall, I gave him a copy of my basketball picture, and another random [big] sticky of me and my cousins. It was great seeing him again, he really is a good friend and we used to talk a lot like last year and stuff.


Right before I got off work, this guy named Ricky that works with me splashed me with dirty/moldy soda water crap and I kicked his ass. Kurtis kept saying things like, "Go out already" or "Stop flirting". Bah, I honestly don't know when I flirt. Almost every single time I talk to a guy, one of my friends always tell me to stop hitting on him or something. I was talking to Danny [Eric's brother] during the short two weeks I was going out with Brent and some girl from my work saw me, and she was like, "Dude don't you have a boyfriend or something? Why are you all flirting with these guys?" WTF? Danny is like a brother to me and he's known my brother for like 7 years. It's not my fault I'm just naturally friendly/playful/talkative with guys. I grew up with having a lot of guy friends, and having a lot of guy infuence since my brothers friends with always be around and I would usually end up being friends with then and stuff. I guess sometimes my friendliness leads some guys on or something.... and I feel hella bad everytime that happens, especially if I have no feelings towards that guy whatsoever.


Moving on. After work, I just hung out at the arcade for a while and played DDR [just to get back into shape and hopefully lose a little weight]. I played Precussion Freaks, got a huge crowd... walked around... read my quotations book for about a half an hour, and got picked up. My mom and I got into a fight again when I got home because I supposedly don't clean up after myself and blah blah blah. Our fights always consist of me just spacing and blocking her yelling outside of my head, as I qould hum tunes of random songs while she nags me about all of my imperfections. After our fight, my mom totally changed her mood and asked me how much money I saved so i can go to the Philippines and visit my grandmother for her 80th birthday. It then lead to us going online together, looking for the cheapest airline tickets. Ugh. Our relationship is wierd, I tell you. Wierd.


After we finished looking for tickets and she went to bed, I stayed in my brothers room and checked my email and guess who emailed me? SAUCY!! My good dear friend Alfredo. He's the guy that came to Santa Cruz from Texas and worked for Hodgies during a semi-small part of the summer. I haven't known him for that long, but he's a hella cool guy. It sucks though, because he WAS gonna go to school here but then his mom or something wanted him to finish high school back in Texas. He's comming back next year, though and I can't wait to hang out with him.


Hmm... I see I didn't blog yesterday, even though I could have sworn I did. Oh well, I'll just blog now about yesterday.


Janetta spent the night the day before, and yesterday I took her to the mall to go shopping and bought her a new outfit. I also bought myself some stuff, too so yeah. Nothing much happened until around 9 when I was working at Hodgies. ISAAC came by and I was all suprized. He and I hung out at the Santa Cruz Diner when I got off work, where he bought me a cheese quesadilla along with a strawberry milkshake and a chocolate cheesecake to go. We talked about relationships, random people, random events. It was a jolly ole' time and I got home around 1 or 1:30.


If I don't end up going to the Philippines on the last week of summer, I'm probably just going to hang out with Isaac and Jaime or something. Jaime is probably comming here tommorow... or Saturday... or whenever. It sucks, though because he can only come before 4 o'clock this week and I have work like everyday until the 21st. My last day at Hodgies is this Friday, though. Pretty neat. If I don't go to the Philippines, I might end up hanging out at MGL or something with Isaac and/or at Verdes or the Great Mall or wherever. Just anywhere outside of Santa Cruz. I'll also probably hang out with Steph and Rob and Lorra and Ash and all these random people, just so I can soak up as much of the summer as I can since I spent the entire summer going to school and having two jobs. *sigh*


I should go sleep now. NIGHTY.

Eww I smell something really awful right now but I can't tell what. I AM in my brother's room after all... only God knows what he keeps in here. Blagh.



Monday, August 11, 2003

Mmm... late-night quizzes...


boba
Your Asian hangout is the local boba shop. You're
content with just being you and kicking back
with your friends (and a cup of strawberry milk
tea). You don't need a fancy tricked-out import
or a $300 jacket to have fun, shorts and a nice
clean t-shirt are enough for you. Just kicking
back and being who you are means the world to
you.


What's your Asian hangout spot?
brought to you by Quizilla


cuddle and a kiss
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla



You represent... hope.
You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.


What feeling do you represent?
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CWINDOWSDesktopFightclub.jpg
Fight Club!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla



surprise
You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


(This one is actually kind of true in my character. =X)


intelligent: you are really smart and often get
rewarded for that fact. you're not one to speak
out too much and only your friends know the
funny person you really are. occasionally you
might get hassle for being yourself, but at the
end of the day you know better to just be
yourself and that's why the people around you,
love ya! you're a good friend and as loyal as
anything and would never dream of directing
those around you to do what you want, you're
creative, talented and smart. you're what most
people secretly envy!


what kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

[This is Lorraine, btw with no relation to Jaime (monkey fu style)]


Sn De MonkiE: can grace recieve text?
Sn De MonkiE: because im over 80 min =X
I am NOT pangit: lol yeah
I am NOT pangit: read her info:
I am NOT pangit: crazieg Y r1
I am NOT pangit:


To do is to be. -Voltaire
To be is to do. -Descartes
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra

I am NOT pangit: haha

Sn De MonkiE: she stole that from some one lol
Sn De MonkiE: i think from dlo XD
I am NOT pangit: lol
I am NOT pangit: or he stole it from Grace
I am NOT pangit: =P

Sn De MonkiE: yah lol



Damn I'm bored.

WATCH THIS SHIT:

http://www.astercity.net/~tobik/pingpong.html

No, it's not porn this time. It's a funny little movie of Japanese people playing ping pong. Just watch the whole thing and you'll see its entire coolness. =P

Monkey Fu Style: btw: wish me a happy birthday
I am NOT pangit: oh what?
I am NOT pangit: again?

Monkey Fu Style: oh
Monkey Fu Style: you already did?
I am NOT pangit: oh
I am NOT pangit: wait
I am NOT pangit: you just had a birthday
I am NOT pangit: like
I am NOT pangit: last year
I am NOT pangit: lol XD

Monkey Fu Style: ....
Monkey Fu Style: and on tuesday
I am NOT pangit: i remember when you were all bitching about not being a teen anymoreI am NOT pangit: you're turning 21 now right?
Monkey Fu Style: no
Monkey Fu Style: I just turned 20
I am NOT pangit: oh
Monkey Fu Style: last tuesday
I am NOT pangit: x_o
Monkey Fu Style: my party was yesterday
I am NOT pangit: ahhhh
Monkey Fu Style: I was so fucking drunk
I am NOT pangit: cool
I am NOT pangit: lol
I am NOT pangit: i was about to say that

Monkey Fu Style: and I could barely open my eyes
Monkey Fu Style: this morning
Monkey Fu Style: my head sounded like a trance bassline
Monkey Fu Style: woom woom woom woom
I am NOT pangit: haha


I need to hang out with this fool at least once before school starts again. We had some good times last summer eating ramen at that one Japanese supermarket in San Jose and watching some guy in a van ram a car on a stop light. Good times.

Sunday, August 10, 2003

Song of the moment: None by Blah



I am being deprived of my music because my mom has to sleep. Curses! Bah, oh well. I'll just listen to the harmonic click clicks of the keyboard as I type. Better than nothing. =P Anywho, a lot has happened since I last blogged and i'll try my best to remember everything. o_O;;


Friday


Concert day. Today, the Boardwalk had Davy Jones as their performer, and it pretty much sucked except for two songs. I worked for Hot Dog on a Stick and Hodgies, and by the time the second concert was over and I was working at Hodgies, I just got over it and I decided to fake sick and get off early. Blah blah blah I make up an excuse, and head for the arcade. I saw Janetta there and asked her if she wanted to walk around with me, so we walked around. After passing by Hodgies [trying to avoid being seen], I remember about Daniel and decide to see if he was working at the Pretzel stand over at the Kiddie rides section, so I dragged Janetta to the other side of the Boardwalk. He wasn't there when we arrived, but I asked the wierd looking Polish girl that was working there if Daniel was there, and she said that he'd be back in about 5 minutes. I was all, "Holy shit, are you serious?" and managed to get a look of fear from the poor girl. We wait there, he arrives, we talk, he offered me a pretzel, I said no, blah blah blah blah, HOLY FUCK HE'S A CUTIE. Gah. lol, sorry my girlyness overlapped my little story time. Anywho... nothing much happened, it was just cool seeing him again. *sigh*


Earlier at Hodgies, there was this 24 year old tall black dude that kept comming back to me to buy beer. His friends kept eyeing me, and I think one even blew me a kiss. The last time the guy bought beer from me, he said, "You know, you're very beautiful. What's your name?" I was all, "Mil. But it stands for something really long and I don't think you want to hear the whole story." He of COURSE wanted to hear the "whole story", so I told him how I got my name and blah blah blah. When he left, he shook my hand and gave me a 3 dollar tip. ~_~;;


Saturday


*trying to remember*


[5 minute pause]


Agh! Now I remember. This wierd stalker dude that plays DDR was all stalking me. I first saw him at Initial D, where I kicked his ass, along with his friend's ass, along with some other stranger on the Irohazaka [sp?] stage. After that, I left and played a game of DDR where he and his friends were all watching me. The guy started talking to me after I failed my game and started asking me all these questions about Santa Cruz and where are good places to eat, which eventually led to questions like "How old are you?" or "What nationality are you? Are you Chinese? Thai? Blah blah blah?". When I told him I was only 16, he was all, "Oh, it's okay. I'm only 21."


Uhh, yeah. That freaked me out a little, so I left as soon as I can and told him to go Downtown to eat. DAMN PEDOPHILES I SAY.


Oh, yeah. A little before I got off work, this kid from my school that keeps calling himself a beaner and keeps touching me on the shoulder asked me out to the movies trying to be very inconspicous [shy] about it. He's a really shy person and I think this was the second time he tried asking me out, but I made it clear that I wasn't interested by saying something like, "Fuck no, leave me a lone". Yeah.... lol



Today


Today was hot as fucking hell. So was Saturday, and so was Friday. My mom told me that Gracie [from Union City] called me today while I was talking to Lorraine on the phone about our plans for tommorow. My mom was all yelling at me to call Grace, so I did and she told me that she and her boyfriend are comming here tommorow around 12-ish so I should go hang out with her. So... I guess my plans before I go to work tommorow are going to be hella packed because I have to 1. Go shopping with Lorraine 2. Show Grace and her boyfriend around Santa Cruz 3. Go to the wharf and try to get more applications and 4. Get school supplies. Okay, I might not get school supplies tommorow, blah, even though I want to... oh well. I'm so tired right now and I'm probably not even making sense, I'm just rambling about random things because I don't want to go downstairs and watch that stupid Filipino movie with my stupid Filipino sister. Hmm. I want some Ice cream, though. Yum.


Ramble ramble ramble.... all I feel like is ramble rambling. Oh! This girl named Jessica at my work told me that her friend is going out with Daniel's friend, and they're all going out to lunch tommorow. I WAS going to be a stalker and beg Jessica if she'll take me along, which I jokingly brought up to her by the way, but I guess I'm too busy right now to do it. Damn. That WOULD be pretty wierd if I just randomly showed up to their planned get-together, though. Haha. But I guess I'm just wierd like that. o_O;


I want some caramel right now. And cheesecake. Mmmm. Cookie dough. Speaking of dough.... doughnut. Brownie! Cookie. Macadamia cookies. Chocolate. Peanuts. GAHHHHHH FINE I'LL GO DOWNSTAIRS NOW AND PIG OUT ON FOOD.


Peace late!